No Job, No Money, No Fun

So it's already Dec. 2nd, rent was due on the first but I have no money. I've been on craigslist most of the day for the past week and still I'm coming up with nothing. I have an interview tomorrow with a company that I thought looked promising. They had an entry level sales and marketing position and I sent them my resume and they seemed interested. But then I received an email from a friend with a link to a page that said the company was basically a fraud. I was really looking forward to this interview but now I'm really bummed out. I need a break, something needs to work out soon or I don't know what I'm going to do financially! Other than that life has been good. Same old same old.

Overwhelmed

So I did end up going home and saw all of my old friends which was awesome! I hope everyone's Thanksgiving was great. (I don't know who everyone is since I have no followers, but oh well) Anyways, I recently found myself in quite the situation by putting myself out there online, and yet here I am continuing to post, but since no one is reading this is sort of just my online journal. But back to the point of this Vermont was beautiful and it was a much needed relief from the craziness that is the city! I just need to find some real friends here and a real life outside of my apartment and my computer screen being my only connection to the outside world...so here's to that! Happy Holidays!

back to my roots?

So I really want to go home. Home for me is Vermont, hence the 802. It's the area code for the entire state. I didn't really think missing out on Thanksgiving would be a big deal, then all my friends started talking about going home and I realized how much I'll be missing out on. It's like my umbilical cord to my mother state is tugging at me. I suddenly have an overwhelming urge to go back so badly it hurts. Like I literally feel a pain inside me that almost brings me to tears. I've never been homesick like this. I've never been homesick at all for that matter. I hope it all works out and I get to go back. Vermont is a beautiful state and for those of you who have never been there go! It's amazing! But I think you have to be from there to really appreciate it. Unless you like bed and breakfasts and maple syrup which I guess is what were known for. I wonder if anyone will ever read this but me. Anyways...later!

Popping my blog cherry

I feel an emotional disconnect with the world at this point. I’m afraid that I’ll never accomplish anything and that my life is meaningless. I guess maybe everyone feels that way at some point? I don’t even know why I’m writing this, I guess I thought maybe it would make me feel better. To at least get the feelings in my head out. For a while I would lie awake thinking of how much I hated my life, the last thought I had before sleep hit me most nights was “I want to die.” but I don’t think I ever really wanted to die. Not enough to actual kill my self anyways. I’m too passive aggressive for that kind of stuff. I just feel really alone in the world and like no one will ever really understand me. But maybe if I put these words down. Give them to the world, or just get them out of my head, maybe that will help. It’s not helping but at least it’s something to do. I’m 20 and I’m no where. I’ve done nothing and I’m broke. I’ve left everything I ever really loved to come to Boston, and for what? I just feel like all I do now is struggle. I guess I’ve made some friends and had some great times, but will they ever really know me? Its two a.m. and I feel anything but tired. Sleep is so boring. I’m usually a very happy person and if you ever met me you would never expect me to be writing this. At least I try really hard to come across as happy. I think I have to be. I’m not enough of anything for people to like me if I was anyway else. I wish I could be taken seriously sometimes but I don’t think that will ever happen. Maybe being taken seriously is overrated but I wouldn’t know because I never have been. There it is. Everything I think I wanted to say at this point. Maybe I feel better. Maybe not. I’ll let you know if I ever wake up happy. Not that I’m not happy sometimes, I just never wake up that way.